a season to reflect

i think im juz really writing this for myself..
sitting in the room for close to 3 weeks liao...
post op sucks man.. big time..
boredom and anxiousness sets in...
really thank God for the pple who came to see me.. thanx u guys..
really thank God who reminded me of his presence and my promise to Him as well...
these 3 weeks have really been full of comp games, tv and my bed.. didnt really take time to look to Him all this while..jialat rite..
well there was this incident where my laptop kanna the rain... haha i really panicked...
thank God huiying works in IBM...
so i passed it to her to repair but i often heard that once yr laptop kanna water u might as well use it as a paper weight or something..
so i prayed..
i said: ' God, if u can turn my lappie back on. I will definitely try my best to bring someone for christmas service.'
and it came true... my lappie really came back to life... i couldnt believe it... haha He really works in mysterious ways man...
well im stil trying got 3 more days to christmas service... hope he responds man.. praying for it to happen...
really thank God for his timely reminder...
but a part of me still feels down..
i guess its due to my knee... hope its doing fine...
i once said that my largest insecurity is gaining weight...
its happening now ba... guess im insecure now lo..
really need to seek God to overcome my fear.. to walk past my shadow to see the future and wat it brings...
really need God's healing and his miracles to happen...
hai... im always complaining.. that the healing takes too long.. that the hols are too short for me to recover...
i wanna give thanks to God for his providence ba..
really thank God that im stil able to limp for now haha
really thank God for frens as well to call me and msn me asking how i am..
christmas is coming again... i havent really changed..
guess thats bad ba...
but at least im stil around in church so i guess im stil ok ba...
haha this entry doesnt make sense at all...
guess thats wat im feeling rite now.. not here not there..
totally lost in the zone that im in now.. im jz living day by day.. not living as if there is no more tmr...
i will pray for my own salvation again... its time to refelct upon my own christian life...
but i do noe one thing... that i love GOD...
i thank God for everything that has happend and will happen ba..
i pray that we have bring frens to christmas this year ba... i figure thast wat pleases God..

i wanna dance again...

It’s the hols again…
I’ve been going out time and time again..
But I’ve been leaving out my bestest best fren..
I’ve been leaving out God all this while…
I feel so empty, so unfulfilled, so sian…
I’ve been shutting Him out for so long le.. too long le…
I can hear Him calling me.. knocking on my door..
“ Tim.. Are u there?? Why won’t you let me in??”
“ God, im busy now.. I’ll tok to u later…”
I’ve taken Him for granted again.. yet again.. I juz dun learn…
I heard this story once..
There was a nice, young girl called Clara…
Her mom died when she was young, so all she had was her dad..
Every Christmas before everyone opens their gifts, dad would put a song on and he would invite Clara to dance with him…
Every year the same time, the same song, the same dance.. the same love that Clara’s dad had for her…
But as Clara grew up, she met mike.. Mike wasn’t exactly a good character…
Although she knew that her dad disapproved of him, she still wanted to be with him and late one night, she left with mike…
3 months down the road… mike and Clara had a fight.. This time it was bad.. it wasn’t like the other fights they usually had…
Mike took off this time…
Clara was alone and helpless.. she cried and wept and blamed herself…
She took up a job as a stripper…
She had to dance in front of other men.. she hated it but there was no other way…
1 year had passed and it was Christmas eve.. she had ended her work routine and was going home.. When she meet mike..
“Where the hell have u been?? Dun you want your letters back??” he yelled..
“ Letters? What letters?”
The next day after work Clara sat down in front of her dressing table..
On the table was a large stack of letters…
For every day since she had been gone.. There was a letter for every single day…
She tore open the envelopes…
Reading them one by one.. tears rolled down her cheeks.. Smearing her make up.. Leaving trails of mascara on her face…
every single letter had the words.." would u dance again?"...
She took off and ran..
There she was.. in front of the doorstep where she was always comfortable with..
She approached the glow coming from inside the house and knocked on the door…
“I’ll get it..” grandma shouted
once she opened the door and laid eyes on her grand daughter, she shouted to Clara’s dad..
“Bob, this one’s for you…”
Clara ran in and hugged him as hard as she could..
He didn’t mind that she was dirtying his favorite white wool sweater…
He was happy she was back...
Clara looked up and asked... “Is it too late?”
“ It’s never too late...” was the reply.

The preacher then went on and said…
Is God calling out to u to dance again??


I want to dance again… I wanna be in your presence with joy and peace..
I wanna be with you once again God…
This is my prayer…

so sian when u cant play soccer...

hai as everyone knows my knees busted for quite awhile liao..
if theres one insecurity in my life.. its bout gaining weight..
i hate it.. yet i cant exercise, cant play soccer, my greatest passion (actually second lah 1st is God..)
when i see other pple being able to play im damn sian lah but not their fault mah..
not gonna take soccer for granted liao man..
gonna train my fitness, leg strength and skills properly..
haha..
first thing i get on field is to learn bout soft touches.. thing one thing i cant do properly is to pass man haha..
man cant wait to get back on field...
hope God blesses me to get back asap man...
haa i'll be back and better than ever man.. confirm one...
i wanna run, pass the ball, score against others... i wanna lose weight..
pls keep my knee in prayers pple.. im damn scared the doc tells me i cant play anymore...

it just came to me...

its been a gazillion years since i last wrote on this webbie, if ur looking at this lucky u haha think this website kanna ignored le..
i heard things bout it... but the full blow didnt come to me ba... not until i heard the whole thing 3 times.. in 2 days...
then it hit me.. reality dawned upon me.. maybe i was too numb already, so it took awhile..
i guess i was trying to appear normal, trying to put it in a box somewhere.. like SPDS said ba.. in the deepest darkness, in the abyss where no light can penetrate...
well it didnt work...
i broke down..bad...
haha dunno issit fortunate or not for sam to catch me at that time...
my eyes were wet during the prayer.. i miss him...
then when service ended i was on stage keeping my stuff,
and then the tap opened... never cried so hard before...
hmmm.. takes a man to cry to bare his soul...
i feel guilty... i never appreciated him..
until now.. i was afraid that this would hapen to wake me up
im awake le...
i wanna be part of the generation to march into the promised land.. i dun wan him to be sad for me... for us...
time to work hard for God le...
cannot slack liao.. rude awakening..
i wan to move on man... have to ba.. hope all those reading this will too..
God has many things in store for us..
with Him, all things are possible...
im not worried bout the truth le.. im worried bout the rest...
the pain moulds me to be more than who i am...
this pain pushes me to go forth...
i hope the future makes this pain worthwhile...
God bless...

will there ever be enuf time??

im in hall now.. was trying to studying for my paper on monday ba...
really hard to concentrate now...
so took a break and watched the andy lau show..(thanx to Mr GV..qingwei haha)
its abt a boy who wans to grow up.. and he did.. but only lived for a few days...
its been a long time since i teared in a movie...
but its really touching man...
they always said that time was a invention of man.. that it doesn't really exist...
that time is wat we perceive to be...
but is it really true?
hmmm i dunno where does time come from..
but i noe where time goes to...
somewhere.. somewhere where u can't find it...
theres no point goin back to find it cause u can never...
but thinking bout the past is always impt..it brings u forward.. making u noe wat to do, wat not to...
i realised that i've been wasting time thinking abt past events that don't help me advance...
things that hurt me.. that torment me... i've been wasting my life...
im not so worried abt death or when issit comin... but im worried abt time.. that im running out of it...
im sorry God... i've been wasting time doing things not for U but for myself...
its time i took time to reflect bout the things that i never did for U...
im too caught up with me... time is running out...
time is never enuf... too many things in my life...that is more impt than U...
relationships, freedom, satisfaction....
forgive me... its been too long.. far too long le...
im happy i tot abt it now.. i dun wanna waste any more time le...
Father, you are my shepherd, i will not be in want....
i pray that we all look thru or lives...
dun waste time le...
there is enuf time if we loook to God...
He creates chances, gives us happiness, allows us to see much more, feel more satisfied...
How Great is our God??
i hope that we all see the light...
that life is much more than relationships, personal happiness and satisfaction
hmmm... oh yah and exams suck man.. haha..

will there ever be enuf time??

sch sucks the life out of u..

things have gotten better.. but here i am stil confused..stil as bewildered.. stil tyring to make sense of all that has happened.. i feel that i haven gave everyone an honnest ans..
"hey tim, hows sch??"
"sch's all rite.."
no its not.. schs not all rite... im not all rite..
my life aint rite...
my life kinda empty..kinda lost.. y issit so diff to get to to the earlier state before i even entered uni???
must there be a catalyst??
someting to jolt me out of my stupid senses??

im stil praying.. maybe not hard enuf... i wish i could feel his presence once again... to feel his holiness in my life... to be able to sing a new song to him...
till next time then..

Take The quiz yourself

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haha.. i tihink so too

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dnu u guys just agree...